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Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!! - The  Early Years

The Taste of Live Cat…
Written by Benjamin A. Oliver
Artwork by Esa Karjalainen
November 16, 2003

TerraOne individual's disgusting is another one's gourmet buffet, it could be said. Have you ever gotten, like, really hungry when there's nothing around that you're used to eating? Oh, certainly, people may joke about eating nothing but dirt and grimy leather boots for weeks on end, but some people really can get into dire enough circumstances that really strange things start to look tasty. Take gourmet food, for example. How desperate do you have to be to start eating nothing but snails and fish eggs topped with a blend of cheese and ground spinach? Steak topped with mayo and Parmesian Cheese?

For that matter, who was the first person to try cow's milk or chicken eggs? That must have been an occasion of true desperation, come to think of it. A lot of these things must be an acquired taste. Only, in any given culture, children are brought up to gain a taste for these things. Ever notice how babies spit up a huge percentage of what they're given before they'll actually swallow it? That's a big part of acquiring a taste for something.

Everyone gains an appreciation of different flavors at varying points in their lives. I myself was a picky eater until I went to Mexico and had to eat what was there. Of all the food available worldwide, Mexicon food is the kind I have historically liked the least. And I was generally among poor folk, where not eating what I was given often meant severe emotional consequences for all parties concerned. The richer sort didn't care one way or another; there's always more for them. But the poorer kind understandably didn't like to waste anything.

Dinner TimeThat brings us back to the subject at hand: NETTG. In the fanfic, some people have odd eating habits. The Atomic Starlight Knight, being somewhat an unreal being, doesn't have much of a defense against chemicals, so he tends to avoid anything that might mess up his system. He's a hearty eater, though, and sometimes remarks about how tasty Oozaru used to be in the grand old galaxy-destroying days. Also, there is Arby the ArbyFish, who comments on how much he likes the taste of live cat.

Dead cat, you see, loses all its texture and flavor, so you've gotta eat it while it's still alive and scratching; that way you can get the full experience. Why, if people went around killing cats just so they could eat them, there'd be none left for the rest of us. It's far more efficient to just eat 'em and spit 'em back out as needed to preserve the species. Like the Everlasting Gobstopper, a well-groomed and cared for cat can feed a family of twelve for about ten to fifteen years. "It wouldn't be proper otherwise", goes typical ArbyFish logic.

Then again, the ArbyFish are the same species who insist that experimenting on their young and selling them door-to-door to total strangers to be eaten on crackers is all part of proper childcare. They usually go on to add that it's the only way they can grow up right nice and proper—li'l spits are really elastic, so they bounce right back with no danger. I mean, what else is there to expect from a species whose progenitor grew up in a science lab?

"Hey, Saturn! What's eatin' ya?"ArbyFish eating habits, while bizarre and disturbing, are still somewhat sedate when it comes to the eating habits of NETTG's Galactic Destroyer.

The GD spent nine billion years destroying galaxies, devouring civilizations, and generally wreaking havok upon the universe. Add on to that habitual soul-stealing, and you've got some pretty unhealthy eating habits indeed. Oh, for the GD, it was perfectly normal behavior and nothing at all to be ashamed of. It was, after all, a horrific beast from beyond the stars. Who sets the protocol for creatures like that? Obviously, people would think it were breaking some sort of law if it didn't gnaw on the occasional Sayajin or bite the fender off a Grand Juraian Warship now and again. To use ArbyFish terminology, it simply wouldn't be proper otherwise!

"MOMMY! TERRA BIT ME!!!"Naturally, those sorts of habits can be hard to break, even with a totally human physical transformation. Even in her current state, if she sees a tasty, squirming morsel, ought she not to try and take a nibble?

Old habits die hard, they say. Certainly, one human eating another is cannibalism, but what is an extradimensional monster eating the crown princess of a magical kingdom? That's called "Fantasy Adventure"! A well-developed genre. Gotta have galactic destroyers trying to eat princesses. Wouldn't be proper if they didn't!

That brings an opposite problem to the foreground… Will a Galactic Destroyer, once adapted to the habit of munching on tasty royalty, instantly jump to eating "normal" human food like cow's milk with bacon and eggs? Egads, I hope not! There's a comic page buried somewhere with Terra gagging at the prospect of eating such "boring", bland food like everyone else was having. In this scenario, Queen Serenity had the foresight of ordering a special entree all the way from the Klingon Homeworld and seasoning it with Terran spices: Live Quagh (Gaagh) with Live Purple and Black Giant Terran Desert Scorpions. That dish, while still somewhat on the order of offering a bowl of cereal to the GD, is still much more appetizing than what they'd been serving to everyone else.

Darn that foreign food, eh? The GD had such a different background and culture as to make totally unappetizing what was locally considered "food". It makes one wonder what counts as candy for the monster-turned-girl, eh? Very likely something with a bit of fight and bite in it. The other sweet little girls get lollypops and Terra gets…

Time for Candy

There's not even chocolate on it…. Well, she got something she likes, and we'll leave it at that. ^_^;;;

One individual's disgusting is another one's gourmet buffet. Just gotta keep in mind and respect that everyone likes different things than others. If something's edible and a group of people don't like it, then they just need time to be able to adapt to it. Conversely, if you see someone eating something rather odd or seemingly… not tasty, just try to smile and nod while indicating your position, even if they want you to acquire something as decidedly ethnic as… the taste for live cat.

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September 22, 2003: Frightening the Children


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