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Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!! - The  Early Years

Choosing the Way… of Pain!!!
Written by Benjamin A. Oliver
Artwork by Esa Karjalainen
July 28, 2003

The Elder Sailor VenusDancing Mad

It's a bright day out today, and it's a good thing, too. All the pavilions are set up, the palace's main hall has been polished, and the arena cleaned. It's so good to see the people happy again after the disaster last year, what with the monster demolishing so many major Lunar cities and everyone we lost.

Funny, really. We had nearly a thousand years of pure peace, and none of us truly appreciated it before we lost it. It had simply been how things always were. Very few are still alive that were born before the Silver Millennium began, and even they have trouble describing what it was like. I'm so glad we're still alive to appreciate our time together.

I've brought my daughter along to participate in this month's events. She's been studying and training so hard for it! She's already mastered five techniques from the Hiten Mitsurugi Style—such an accomplishment for a girl her age! I'm so proud of her! I can't wait to see her really show off at the competitions. This is going to be wonderful. After all that we've gone through in the past year, I'm sure nothing else could possibly go wrong.

In the courtyards of the palace, a fateful meeting was about to occur…

TerraWhat's the big deal about Oktoberfest, anyway? I mean, the adults go off to get rip-roaring drunk, and then watch the kids try to beat each other up. *Long Sigh* Whatever happens, I want to go to the arena or the nuclear test site they've got—OOMPF! Hey, watch it!
AltheaOh, I'm sorry—Hey, you must be… that one, um… who are you?
TerraI'm Princess Terrif—ah, Princess Terra. Who the heck are you?
AltheaPrincess Althea, Heiress to the Venusian Throne, Leader of the Younger Inner Senshi Team, and Next Keeper of the Secrets of the Hiten Mitsurugi Style—
AltheaWhat are you laughing at?!
TerraYou're the leader of the Sailor Chibiscouts?! Hoo boy… that's a good one. Fight any really tough monsters lately, like tribbles?
AltheaI'll have you know that tribbles can be really, um, tough when there get to be a whole bunch of 'em! And where do you get around calling us Sailor Chibiscouts, of all things? That's really, really… insulting and rude, y'know!
TerraHah! No, what's insulting and rude are those wimpy energy bursts you dare to call attacks. Injured any flies by accident lately?
AltheaI'll have you know that "Beamwhip Snap" can stun a—
TerraA rabbit, maybe.
AltheaYou're starting to make me mad…
TerraThen why are you still smiling and winking like that?
AltheaI am not smiling and winking—Oh! My eye's just a bit swollen. I got in a fight with a lawnmower on the trip here.
TerraPainted over a black eye with makeup, eh? A lawnmower…?
AltheaHey, those Venusian Lawnmowers are really tough! Nearly chopped my nose off…
TerraNot that it would be such a big loss…
AltheaYou're being so mean! Grr… that's it, I'm challenging you to a duel. Whatever competition you go to, I'll be right there to do battle with you!
TerraGood! I like a meal with a bit of fight in it.
TerraAh, nothing, nothing…
Elder Sailor VenusAlthea, there you are! Come along now. We need to get you entered.
AltheaYes, Mother!

TerraSheesh! Offspring these days… Still wet behind the ears and clicking their heels whenever their parents go by.
Queen SerenityTerra! I've been looking all over for you. Where have you been?
TerraUH—! Nowhere. Just walking away inconspicuously toward the arena… (to fight in a duel to the death…)
Queen SerenityI don't want you going to the arena or the nuclear test site. You might get hurt. I want you to go to the dance party instead.
Terra WHAT?!?! THE DANCE PARTY!?! Hardly anyone gets killed there. You know I hate dancing!
Queen SerenityI know, but I'm sure you'll remember enough from your classes to get by. Besides, you like competing, don't you?
TerraNot while being dolled up and paraded in front of everyone! Can't I go to the arena just to watch, even!?
Queen SerenityTerra, that sort of thing isn't good for you.
TerraBut Maaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Queen SerenityNo buts, dear. You're going to the dance party, and that's final!

AltheaAhah! So, the rude pseudo-royal chooses finally show up, does she?
TerraTalk to me now and you die. Got it, one-eyed-Jilly?
AltheaHah, I say! Ha-HAH-HA! I'm a student of the Hiten Mitsurugi Style of Dancing Arts! There's no way you can beat me at this.
TerraYeah, well, I'm a student of the Hit and Run Style of I-Kill-You—
Elder Sailor VenusTerra, Althea? You're up next!
TerraGrr… *Mumble-grumble*
Elder Sailor VenusThey've picked something a bit peppy for you to start up on. I hope you're ready, 'Thea. Won't that eye hold you back?
AltheaDon't worry, Mother! I can do this with my eyes closed, for all I've practiced.
Elder Sailor VenusAll right, then! Everybody ready? Go!

The Battle

AltheaHiten Mitsurugi Style… DO-RYU-SEN!
TerraOOOMPH!!! OW!
AltheaTerra, Terra… Tsk, tsk, tsk. Gotta watch yourself in this competition!
TerraWhat was… HEY!!
AltheaThe Hiten Mitsurugi Style is an unbeatable hypersonic dance school. I'm surprised you hadn't heard of it—KUZU-RYU-SEN!!
AltheaNow, do you give up and apologize for what you called me earlier?
Elder Sailor VenusAmazing… Althea hasn't missed a beat, and Terra hasn't hit any!
TerraGRR! Why should I apologize to you, you annoying quasi-evolved FUNGUS?!
ArbyOh, well, fungus is actually a superior loifeform based upon mostly th' remnants a' otha' loifeforms that decay upon contact with th' lil' spores n' spits n' such—
AltheaThen prepare to face the ultimate technique!
TerraGimme your best shot, and I'll give you mine!
AltheaFine! Amakakeru-Ryu-no-Hiram—



~And There was Much Radioactivity and Nuclear Fallout…~

TerraMom, that was great! Can I go to the dance party next year, too?

Queen Serenity…!!! *Cough-cough!*

Go to your room, young lady!

TerraAww, but all I did was blow up a quarter of the planet!


TerraI get the idea that Mom just doesn't understand me.

Author's postscript: Okay, so I didn't quite manage to make a fair and accurate representation of the Galactic Destroyer Maker's Rival system, but I told a long and unwieldly joke that could have been made funnier and slimmer had it been made quick and to the point. But one thing leads to another, and it all gets blown out of proportion. Great, isn't it?

In any case, thanks for reading and sticking with us!

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July 18, 2003: The Voices Won't Stop…


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